Is your partner addicted to the internet? Have you stopped playing together?

Is your partner addicted to the Internet? Have you stopped playing together?

Through the years I have heard many concerns about the use of technology in the home. Husbands complain their wives have forgotten how to play cards or have conversation. Wives complain their husbands come home and spend too much time on the computer. Technology can be a treasure:

It can save time, keep you connected to love ones and you can avoid the malls during the holidays!

BUT It can kill marriages, friendships, creativity, communication, and general well being.

IF your spouse

• spends too much time on the computer
• denies it frequently by getting defensive
• gets edgy if you want to go to Vermont to a room without wireless connection
• locks her/his phone or computer and is protective of it and seems to need more privacy
• Is less involved in family chores and activities
• repetitively stays up too late on the computer (and they aren’t working or writing a book!)
• is often tired because of computer use late into the night
• have less interest in sex
• spend lots of time on social media(that you are excluded from)…there may be a cyber relationship happening or a general addiction to the internet in some way (learn the different kinds of internet addiction)

Take time to gently share your feelings with your partner. It is important not to be attacking.

Use “I” and not “you” statements, for example,  “honey I miss you, I feel l am competing with your computer.”

If your partner gets defensive, share earnestly that you are trying to communicate openly without judgment. Ask them if they are willing to decrease the time they spend and to add a fun activity into the evening with you instead. If that goes well and they are receptive then the problem is likely changeable without much more intervention. However if they continue to be defensive and the problem remains share your frustration and concerns with more urgency.  Remember many addicts are in denial because of their feelings of shame and guilt. You cannot MAKE them change. But don’t enable their habits by sitting passively by, either.  Get help!!!